2005 COMP1711 wiki - FortuneCookies

If at first you dont succeed

If at first you dont succeed, lower your standards
If at first you dont succeed, call it a day and have a beer
If at first you dont succeed, blame society
If at first you dont succeed....well so much for sky diving
If at first you dont succeed, blame Haskell
If at first you dont succeed, drop to 1011
AF: If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
C^4: If at first you don't succeed, flush it down the toilet and try again.
If at first you don't succeed, EBCAK (error exists between keyboard and chair)

Motivational Speaking

There is an exception to every rule...except this one
The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines
"Kids, you tried and failed. The moral of the lesson; never try." - Homer Simpson
I'm not lazy...I'm an energy conservationist!

happiness

There is neither happiness nor unhappiness in this world; there is only the comparison of one state with another. Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. It is necessary to have wished for death, in order to know how good it is to live. - Alexandre Dumas

wisdom

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. —Voltaire
I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it —Voltaire
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible —Voltaire
An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind. - Mohandas Gandhi
"It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows." - Epictetus (55-135AD)
And in knowing that you know nothing, that makes you the smartest of all. - Socrates (469 BC - 399 BC)
"If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate." - Tom Watson (American golfer)

add your own suggestions here

"Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it." -Brian Kernigan
"The difference between art and science is that science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art." - Donald Knuth
"The most important thing in the programming language is the name. A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable language." - Donald Knuth
"The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim" -Edsger Dijkstra
"Program testing can be used to show the presence of bugs, but never to show their absence!" -Edsger Dijkstra
"Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes" -Edsger Dijkstra
There are only 10 types of people in the world, people who understand about binary and who don't - Posted in computing teacher's room in my old highschool
In my house you will obey the laws of thermodynamics now go to your room - Homer Simpson
The three laws of thermodynamics, 1. You cannot win-you can only break even. 2. You can only break even at absolute Zero. 3. You cannot reach absolute Zero.
I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is - Derek Zoolander
Nothing means more to me than having one of my former students come up to me and say "Derek, thanks for helping me," or "Derek, thanks for being so helpful," or "Derek, me help you did". - Derek Zoolander
The difficulty is not so great to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for. - Homer (NOT from Springfield)
"We are in the position," Einstein explained later, "of a little child entering a huge library, whose walls are covered to the ceiling with books in many different lagauges. The child knows that someone must have written those books. It does not know who or how. It does not understand the langagues in which they are written. The child notes a definite plan in the arrangement of the books, a mysterious order, which it does not comprehend, but only dimly suspects" When the time came to reach through the gloom and pluck out The Old One's book with E=mc² written on its pages, Einstein had been willing to take it. - p74, E=mc^2, A Biography of the Most Famous Equation, David Bodanis
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain
pre-school children: "Can we play with the toy now??" Professor Frink: "No, you will enjoy it on as many levels as I do, ah the colours! The colours!"
Error: Keyboard not detected! Press any key to continue...
"The age-old notion of 'knowledge is power' is overturned when all memory is copy-and-paste-able -- knowledge becomes wisdom, and creativity and intelligence, previously thwarted by lack of access to new ideas, can flourish." - Douglas Coupland, Microserfs
"The problem with 'what you see is what you get' is that what you see is all you've got." - Brian Kernigan
"... abstractions save us time working, but they don't save us time learning ..." - Joel Spolsky
"I didn't have time to write you a short letter, so I wrote you instead a long letter." - Mark Twain
"Language most shows a man: speak, that I may see thee." - Ben Jonson
Dehydrated water: just add water
The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to beg in the streets, steal bread, or sleep under a bridge. - Anatole France
"I saw the code for your computer program yesterday. It looked easy. It's just a bunch of typing." - Dilbert's Boss
Remember, half the people you know are below average.

the quotes from 2004, some proposed by students, some stolen from movies

Richards Rule: Assignments will take six times as long as you think, even when taking into account Richards Rule
Who would have thought that the Inverse (mod 167) of the GCD of 52 and 116 was 42?
If you're trying to fix a problem, and can't find a solution, maybe you looked at it from the wrong perspective.
Focus and concentrate. By focusing you'll know what you're doing, and by concentrating you'll find how to do it.
There is no point of doing the impossible. Instead, find another way to your destination which is still possible.
Relax and take a deep breath. Then come back to whatever you're doing within a second.
You are not alone. But if you are, don't be scared to call for help.
The psychological barrier is the greatest.
If you are just starting, don't worry about how. That's for later. Think about what you want to get first.
Take from others, and don't forget to give too. Otherwise you'll end up with too much card.
Marge: "Oh, that's your solution to everything - live under the sea!"
"Science is like a blabbermouth that ruins the ending! There are some things we don't WANT to know! Important things!" - Ned Flanders
"Remember; no matter where you go, there you are." - B. Banzai
"I guess some people never change...or, they quickly change and then quickly change back again..." - Homer
"What, what, what, what, what? This better be about pizza." - Chief Wiggum
"This freezer is an attractive nuisance. Just look at all that ice cream. It's damn near irresistible." - Chief Wiggum
"My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star!" - Abe Simpson
"Dear Marge, thanks for the fab painting of yours truly! I hung it on me wall! You're quite an artist. In answer to your question, yes we do have Hamburgers and Fries in England, but we call French Fries "chips"! Love, Ringo. PS. Forgive the lateness of my reply." -Ringo Starr
"Pain in chest...left arm...numb! Can't go on...describing symptoms...much longer! - Comic Book Guy
"A fool can throw a stone into the water which ten wise men cannot recover." - B. Banzai
I want you all to know I'm sitting here sipping amaretto and eating fine dark chocolate while you all slave away over your assignments. - A. Adams
We struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not bickering - The Shoveler
"Who would have thought reading and writing would pay off!" - Homer
Homer: Mmm...They expect me to sit here from nine to five! That's - how many hours? *mutters* .. ten, eleven, denominator..